Harry Potter and the Really Bad Pick Up Lines
by Belle A Lestrange
Summary: GoF. The 'Potter Stinks' badges just aren't enough, Draco decides to get under Potter's skin throughout their 4th year with the cheesiest, most cringe-worthy pick up lines going. The only problem is, now Potter is playing along. And that's pretty damn hot! Dedicated to FanofBelleandEdward.


**A/N: This is based on a random video I found on youtube of the same thing, but this one is a little longer with more detail. Enjoy lovelies!**

 **Set in GoF. I do not own HARRY POTTER. Dedicated to FanofBellaandEdward because she's a doll ;)**

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 **Harry Potter and the Really Bad Pick Up Lines**

 **by**

 **Belle A Lestrange**

As if the 'Potter Stinks' badges weren't enough, Draco had decided that he desperately needed to rile Potter up more. He needed to get under the boys' skin and stay there. His plan was ingenious, of course everything out of his head was. He was Draco Malfoy after all.

It all started on a sunny afternoon a couple of days before the First Trial of the TriWizard tournament. Thanks to a rather perfectly timed lovers-spat between Potter and the Weasel, Draco decided that now was the perfect time to put his plan into action. Dismissing himself from Blaise and Pansy's company he drifted down the stone staircase they'd been lounging on and followed Potter out onto the grounds several meters behind him. He felt smug already as he turned into a courtyard and found Potter sitting on a bench, reading a book so intensely he was sure the pages would combust under his gaze.

He barely broke stride as he walked around the perimeter of the courtyard. Potter didn't look up, but he could tell by the hunch in his shoulders that he knew he wasn't alone. Smirking to himself, he said loudly, "Hey Potter, want to Slytherin my bed tonight?"

Glancing over his shoulder as he circled back and retreated from the courtyard, he smirked even wider as he saw the dumbstruck look on Potter's face. He was almost out of ear shot when he heard a shocked, "What the Hell Malfoy?" with footsteps hurrying to catch up with him. Taking a sharp detour Draco managed to avoid Potter catching up with him. He watched from the alcove as he saw Potter turn left and right, looking for him and upon seeing no one, hissing out in frustration and actually stamping his foot!

Oh yes, he decided, this was going to be fun!

It was later that same day after Charms that Potter caught him and gave him a rough jerk on the shoulder. Draco scowled down at him and adopted his haughtiest look, hoping to strike some fear into the brunette, however the only thing he saw in those green eyes was anger. Potter leaned closer and hissed close to Draco's ear, "I can make you scream louder than a mandrake."

Draco was momentarily surprised. He hadn't expect a retaliation. Especially not from Potter! Smirking to hide his surprise he looked down his nose at the shorter boy and murmured, "So you want to play this game then, Potter?"

Potter snorted with far too much confidence for a scar-headed idiot, and smirked up at the blonde, "Bring it on Malfoy!" he jeered loud enough for passers-by to hear. And so the challenge really begun with several eye-witnesses.

It wasn't too long before rumors started circulating, and it certainly didn't help what they were actually _saying_ to one another.

Suffice to say, since Ron was too busy scowling at Harry from down the other end of the table, it gave Hermione an open window to ask Harry what was actually going on. Harry had blinked innocently at the question but knew he couldn't feign ignorance. Most of the school were spreading the rumors so it was clear he'd have heard _something_. "Harry what's going on between you and Malfoy? People are looking at you both and keep whispering," she asked, leaning over the table to keep the conversation a little more private.

Harry glanced around; sure enough a few people were in fact staring at him. He shrugged to Hermione, "It's probably some stupid Slytherin tactic to psyche me out before the first task. It'll blow over, don't worry."

"Well at least you're not raising to the bait," she smiled over at him before launching into a speech about him getting to crack the egg open and find out what the clue was about. Harry nodded along and tried not to smile too much. Poor Hermione. She really didn't know him that well, did she? Then again no one knew that he had a copy of ' _Witch Weekly_ ' tucked under his blankets to find some really cheesy chat-up lines to use on Malfoy the next moment he got the blonde alone.

Unfortunately for Potter, Draco was on point on the morning before the First Task as he brushed by Potter rather forcefully and quickly hissed in his ear, "Since you're such a Quidditch player maybe you'd fancy a ride on my broom?"

Potter stopped short as he watched Draco breeze past him and make his way to the stands surrounding the arena. He glanced own at the blonde's arse and then jolted at what he'd done. Shaking his head he called out a firm, "No!"

He doubted Malfoy had heard him.

He shouldn't have let it bother him, he really shouldn't especially not when he was dodging bolts of fire from an angry Hungarian Horntail. He couldn't get burned to death without giving as good as he got to Malfoy. That's when it clicked in his head. His firebolt! As soon as he landed on the broom relief rushed through him as he soared up into the air.

Suffice to say after the celebrations back at the tower he couldn't help but feel at a loss with what to do with himself. Malfoy had -in some weird sense -saved his arse. Now it left him feeling incredibly awkward as he toyed with the egg in his hands. He could only hope that he could solve this particular clue in time for the Second Task.

He pit down on his lip and placed the egg over on his nightstand. He'd deal with it in the morning.

During the next couple of months as Harry tried and failed to first discover how to deal with the egg and secondly how to solve the riddle the egg had sung to him in the prefects bath, his battle of cheesy chat-up lines with Malfoy had reached new levels.

Draco had been the one to go the extra mile, of course. He'd heard that Potter had been asking -not to subtly -where the prefects bathroom was. He decided to take some action and sneak out of the Slytherin dorms to escalate the game. It was late and he'd been standing just down the hallway waiting patiently in a dark alcove, his grey eyes watching the door as he waited for Potter to finish doing whatever he was doing in such a big bath tub.

When Potter finally did emerge, it was in a loose grey shirt, baggy bottoms, dressing gown and a towel wrapped around something large and rounded in the crook of his arm. Was that the golden egg he'd gotten from the dragon? Why did he need to bathe the bloody thing?

Deciding that he was thinking too much, Draco marched out along the hallway and smirked at the look of surprise and anger on Potter's face. Before the brunette could even open his mouth, Draco had pressed him up against the wall and grabbed at his crotch through the loose bottoms. "Is that a wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" he growled low in his throat, delighting in the heat he felt in his palm.

Instead of staring at him like he had last time, Draco was left speechless as Potter grabbed his wrist and thrust into his hand. "Oh Malfoy, I'd let you handle my wand any day."

With a mischievous glint in his eye, Potter jerked Draco's hand away from his dick and sauntered back towards the Gryffindor Tower. It had been a long night.

Things cooled down for at least another week as the Second Task loomed ever closer. Potter had been spending a lot of nights in the library, sometimes with his reunited entourage and sometimes on his own and staying there long after Madam Pince had retired to bed. Draco convinced himself that he didn't think it was slightly somewhat adorable how Potter constantly yanked at his hair and grunted before dropping his scarred head onto the thick tomes in front of him.

On one of these such evenings, as soon as he was sure Weasley and Granger had left, Draco slipped out of his nook and slipped the book he'd been pretending to read for the last hour back on the shelf, and quietly made his way over to Potter's table. Bending low to murmur in the brunette's ear he said, "Have you heard of Platform 9 and 3/4? Well, I can think of something else with the exact same measurements."

Draco had to admit he'd wished Potted acted a little more shocked than just tilting his head back to glare up at him. "Yeah well Hagrid's not the only Giant here, if you know what I mean."

Draco almost snorted. Almost. He slipped his hand around Potter's throat and gripped him tightly. "Maybe I'll check that for myself," he growled as he forced his hand down the front of Potter's jeans, making the younger boy gasp and jerk. It was too late. There was nowhere for him to recoil to, so he he was practically trapped as Draco's long, cool fingers wrapped around his cock and started to tug.

Hastily unzipping his jeans, Harry slid his chair out from under the table to give Malfoy better access. His mind was running blank as he felt someone touching his cock and getting him good and hard. He let out a strangled grunt at the back of his throat as Malfoy grazed his teeth down his neck and pumped his fist harder around the, admittedly, impressive length.

Draco rubbed Potter's length, rubbing the sweet spot under his head and making him grunt and pant in the chair. He groaned as he felt himself harden a little as he nipped at Potter's ear, "Together we could really make the 'Shrieking Shack' worthy of its name."

"Promises, promises Malfoy," Potter hissed out as he jerked in the chair. His mouth opened in a silent 'o' shape as he came in both his jeans and Draco's hand.

Removing his hand from Potter's jeans, Draco grimaced at he slick, sticky mess coating his hand. He pulled out his actual wand and vanished the mess before turning to a red-cheeked, panting Potter. It really was a delicious sight. "See you around then, Potter," he smirked as he straightened his robes and swiftly left the library.

Harry stared after him wondering what sort of mess he'd gotten himself into. Literally.

~0~

It was almost too true to state that by the time the Second Task had rolled around both Draco and Harry were actually looking forward to their cheesy chat-up line moments between classes and after meals.

They were even starting to take more and more risks with one another.

After the jerk-off session in the library, they'd started taking risks with actually touching one another. Sometimes it'd be a hand on the wrist, leaning a little too closer to sound off chat-up lines in a way that looked like they were hissing and spitting vile words to one another.

However, it didn't take away from the fact that Potter was tense as fuck from the moment he woke up to the moment he went to bed. They hadn't had a jerk-off session since, and Draco silently told himself that it had been spur of the moment and wouldn't happen again. So why did he feel disheartened by it? He had to shake his head at least three times a day to tell himself he didn't give a shit. He'd wear his 'POTTER STINKS' badge with pride until the tournament was over.

He didn't know if Potter did masturbate, but something was making him far too tense and it was getting ridiculous, seeing the tendons in his neck throbbing with suppressed anger and, no doubt, fear.

Perhaps he needed to do something about it.

As they sat in their Divination lesson, he discreetly tore out a page from his notebook and carefully wrote a message to Potter. He folded the paper into a little crane and spelled it to fly over the heads of his classmates. He watched as Potter jolted out of his bored, slumped state and carefully unfolded the crane under the table, despite Weasley being practically past out on his textbook.

Harry felt his cheeks heat up as he read the words printed on the paper. His hands trembled a little as his mind turned the words over and constructed images to go along with them.

' _I WANT TO OPEN YOU WIDE LIKE A BOOK IN THE RESTRICTED SECTION_ '

He felt heat pool in the pit of his stomach and his school trousers grew a little tighter. Thank goodness for school robes! Dipping his quill into his inkwell he quickly scratched out a note underneath the original and took the next five minutes carefully folding the paper crane back and sent it flying back around the room.

' _WANNA MAKE ME MOAN LIKE MYRTLE?_ '

Draco rolled his eyes at that one. He had to suppress a snicker or risk getting a confused look from Pansy.

' _SPEAK PARSELTONGUE TO ME AND I'LL LET ME SNAKE OUT._ '

At this point even Draco had to admit that maybe those pick-up lines were working after all. He couldn't control his satisfied smirk as he watched Potter dash out of the classroom, when the bell went, as fast as he could. Draco had the same problem but he was able to wait until he got down to the privacy of his own bed before taking his dick out and jerking himself off.

A week before the Final Task had everyone on edge. Draco hadn't realised just how quick the year had gone by as well as the fact that the final task was supposed to be the hardest. What if Potter didn't come back? He tried to tell himself that he didn't care, but now that it was only seven days away he couldn't lie about the sense of dread he felt pool in his stomach. He didn't sleep too well and eating was almost a distant memory.

Potter wasn't faring too well either.

His friends tried to help him prep for the task but there was no real way of knowing what would happen in the large maze that was currently growing on the Quidditch Pitch.

The night before the trial the Great Hall was buzzing with excitement as everyone else dug into their meal. Potter wasn't eating and Draco had only managed to force down a couple of bites. Watching from his seat at the Slytherin table he watched Potter look up at him and jerk his head slightly in the direction of the doors. Draco have a stiff nod and watched as Potter stood up, made his excuses to his friends and ducked out of the hall.

Draco waited a full thirty seconds before following.

As he left the Entrance Hall and made his way along a hallway. He'd just turned a corner and yelped in surprise when a hand snatched his robes and dragged him along into one of the many alcoves dotted about. "Unhand me Potter!" he griped as he jerked his robes free.

"Like you were complaining," Potter ground out, "Come on, let's finish this."

"Have it your way then," he waved his arm in an arc and cocked his eyebrow, "Lead the way, scarhead."

Potter turned on his heel and led the way up to the fifth floor corridor and into an empty classroom. They spelled the door locked and cast silencing charms around to keep anyone from over-hearing. As soon as the charms were in place, Draco turned to Potter with a hungry look in his eyes and smirked at him, "Wanna make the Shrieking Shack really worthy of its name?"

Potter smirked, "Interested in making some magic together? My wand is at the ready."

Draco couldn't help it. He glanced down and sure enough, Potter was hard through his school trousers. The sight alone sent blood rushing to his own cock. "I don't need 'accio' to make you come."

Potter shrugged off his robe and unwound his tie and started unfastening his buttons. Draco mirrored his movements, his belt clinking as he shucked his trousers off and stepped out of them, his hard-on pressing up through his silk boxers. Potter licked his lips as he stepped nearer and hummed, "If you want to learn to speak troll I can make you grunt all night long."

"I must have had some Felix Felicis, because I think I'm about to get lucky," Draco smirked as he reached for the front of Harry's shirt and dragged him towards his body before slamming the brunette boy up against the wall. He cupped Potter's -no - _Harry_ 's face in his hands and pressed their mouths together in a slow, burning kiss.

When he pulled away Harry was breathless as he slid down the stone wall and onto his knees. He tugged Draco's trousers down and pulled the blonde's cock out of his boxers and took it into his mouth. It was awkward at first, but once they found a rhythm it felt amazing as Draco leaned forward against the wall and reveled in the burning wet heat of Harry's throat.

Running his fingers through Harry's silky black hair, he eased himself against from the other boys face and tugged him up onto his feet. Both panting, he spun Harry around and bent him over the desk, "Are you ready for me to open your Chamber of Secrets?" he purred as ran his length against the cleft of Harry's arse.

"Just get on with it Malfoy!" the brunette grunted.

The groans that Harry made in the empty classroom were the sexiest sound Draco had ever heard as he prepped the younger boy. He tried to be as gentle as he could but at the same time get the foreplay out of the way so that they could finally have a good rough pounding.

Harry was extremely vocal even over the squeaking of the desk against the stone floor as Draco dominated the brunette boy and made true of every one of their maddening innuendos.

By the time they were exhausted enough and lying in a tangled heap on a pile of their clothes, the flagstones burning with their body heat, and lying with Harry's head against Draco's shoulder. They were both breathing deeply and both completely mind-blown. The clock chiming eleven at night, Harry let out a soft groan and rolled over so that his forehead was pressed against Draco's flushed skin, "I don't really want to leave. Not after that. I'm dreading tomorrow now."

"You weren't before?" Draco asked incredulously.

Harry shrugged awkwardly, "Well sure but now I know I'll miss out on something if I don't ... come out of it."

"You're Harry fucking Potter. You're going to come out of it." He raked a hand through his blonde hair, trying not to let any of his emotions show. He was anxious and worried but he couldn't show Harry that. He flinched a little when Harry reached over and pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek.

He let out a soft sigh and turned to face the brunette as he whispered, "I swear Draco, you must be magical because I've fallen under your spell."

Draco bit down on his bottom lip before reaching up and slowly exploring Harry's mouth with his own. Harry whimpered as he broke the kiss but Draco merely smiled softly and stroked the sweaty black hair out of his eyes, "Just promise me one thing, Potter."

"Sure ... What?"

"That you'll come back to me after the last task."

Harry swallowed before nodding his head, "Of course ... I'll just use the port-key you gave me."

Draco frowned, "What port-key?"

"The one to your heart."

As cheesy and just plain awful as that line was, Draco couldn't help but smile.

They dressed in a comfortable silence and parted ways at the end of the corridor with a small peck on the lips and a gentle squeeze of the hands. As Harry turned to head back up to Gryffindor tower to get some semblance of sleep for the final task, Draco watched him go and prayed to Salazar that Harry would make it back in one piece.

The following night they met in the empty classroom and instead of raw, hard fucking, they made slow, sweet burning love that made every moment of their lives prior to that evening a faded, grey haze at the back of their minds. Draco was so relieved that Harry was even alive that he couldn't wait to get his clothes off and commit every hair of his body to memory.

Suffice to say Harry was glad for being all battered and bruised; it meant that he didn't gave to explain his hickey's over breakfast the next morning.

 **THE END.**

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 **A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed it :P just a bit of random fun x**


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